Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of
his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the
airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be
seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the
meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he
had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do
you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here to
hook up your telephone."

---
A private is on duty in the motor pool when the phone rings: "Soldier,
can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?" The
voice on the other end asked. "Well, sir, we have two tanks, a half
dozen half-tracks, two armored personnel carriers, a couple of
motorcycles, and fat-ass Johnson's command jeep." "Soldier? Do you know
who you are speaking to?" "No sir." "This is Major Johnson, your
commander!" "Uh Sir? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "Not
yet!" "That's good! Bye, Fat-Ass!"

---
A couple of A-10's are escorting a C-130 Hercules and their pilots were
chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk fell on
the subject of relative merits of their respective aircraft with the
fighter pilots holding their planes were better because of their
maneuverability, weaponry and the like The C-130 pilot replied
"Yeah? Well I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only
dream about." Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. "Just
watch," he tells them. The C-130 continues to fly straight and level,
and after several minutes the Herk pilot returns to the air and says,
"There! How was that?" Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots
say, "What are you talking about? What did you do?" He replies,
"Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went back
an took a piss."

---
Q:How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

---
Q:What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot......

---
Q:What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the planes shuts down.

---
3 Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of
tracks. The first marine said "Those are deer tracks." The second
marine said "No, those are elk tracks." The third marine said "You're
both wrong, those are moose tracks." The marines were still arguing
when the train hit them.

---
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were
both just getting finished with their shaves-the barbers were reaching
for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, Hey,
don't put that shit on me! My wife will think I've been in a
whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put
it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells
like.